My own mother-in-law was a mean, unhappy woman who didn’t like me. She even once told me that when my husband married me that it was like he died. I was quite stunned at that statement and resolved that I would do all in my power to be a good mother-in-law and from the time each of my sons was born, I prayed that I could at least like the person they would choose to live their lives with. The thing I forgot to pray about was that the person they chose would like me. I don’t know why that never crossed my mind- perhaps my ego thought that wouldn’t be an issue.
Anyway, the girl my elder son is marrying in October is crazy about him and that makes me happy. She’s a sweet person but it makes me sad every time they visit since she seems not to want a relationship with any of us other than my son. On past visits, I often invited her to do things with me and she would say yes to my face but when it would be time to go, she would go in my son’s room and close the door until I was gone.
This time, I decided not to put myself out there and try to get her to interact with me one on one. Amazingly, she still hurt my feelings. The spouse and son were going to run an errand that would take like ten minutes when we left a restaurant one night. We had come in two cars and I was going to car when the spouse suggested (not me) the fiancee ride home with me and the younger son. She refused and said she’d go along for the errand. Then, a couple of days later, my son got a new car stereo and was installing it. She and I were in the living room and she suddenly got up and left. A few minutes later, the son came in and said he didn’t know why he had an audience out there. I said, “huh?” She was out there in the 35 degree weather watching him. I can only surmise from that that she didn’t want to be in the room with me since it was in the 30s and windy. Not comfortable at all. There have been other minor things but they add up to a lot of hurt for me.
The last three days, she has been in hurry to leave. It makes me sad that I’ll never enjoy time with my son with her ready to be gone almost as soon as she gets here. All she talks about is her parents this, her parents that.
Is the mother-in-law relationship inherently evil? Are all the jokes and cliches true and is there no way to get around that? Is there really any daughter-in-law who has a relationship with her mother-in-law that exists separate from the relationship with the son? Am I being unrealistic? I only know one woman who does things with her daughter-in-law as a friend. Can it happen or am I just an eternal optimist? I really want to know because I’m driving myself crazy trying not to be hurt and trying to figure out what’s wrong with me that she doesn’t want to even be in a room with me alone. Any mothers in law out there with advice?