Jillian Chantal

I have never understood the concept of jealousy. I mean, on an intellectual level, I “get” it, but I’ve never been a jealous person myself. I have some family members and friends that are jealous and I see how hard they make life on themselves with that emotion.  I’ve always felt there was enough work for me to do that I didn’t need to have professional jealousy. I have tried, in the day job, to be a mentor to younger lawyers as I’d rather go head to head with a competent person than walk all over an idiot. I’ve had some other lawyers tell me that I shouldn’t help the younger ones because they will compete with me for business. I have to say, I have made a nice living for a long time and I’m not threatened by such statements.

I feel the same way about trying to break into fiction. I am  genuinely happy when one of my friends gets a contract. I may never be that successful with my full length romance novels ( I have sold some short stories to small presses) but I rejoice with my friends as they get the recognition they deserve.  Again, there will be enough editors and publishers for all of us if we can just find the right person to love our work.

I find great joy in the writing process itself.  Not so much today, as the words in this WIP of mine are being wrested from the key board. It seems like this story is not coming from my heart yet. I haven’t gotten to the stage that I call the “fever in the blood” stage.  That’s when my veins catch fire and I can’t peck on the keys fast enough to keep up with my thoughts.  I hope it’ll happen soon. If not, gotta move on to another story.  I hate to abandon this one as I have some great things planned but there is no joy right now in it.

I was searching for some quotes today for this WIP since I start each chapter with an apropos quote and I found this one by writer Joan Didion, who was the sister in law of Dominic Dunne.  It really hit me- this is true and may explain why I don’t feel jealous.  I have tons of faults, but I’ve always had an over abundance of  self confidence.  Here’s the quote:  To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is; a dissatisfaction with self.

I believe this is true. Never thought of it this way but now that I’ve read the quote, I see the dissatisfaction with self  in the people to whom I referred in the first paragraph of this post.  Sad.

check out an adorable dog owned by a client